Weekends at Spencer

Spencer is on the Hawkesbury River.

It's a weekender fishing village and I, my old man and my brothers spent some time there.

I remember one day we were out fishing in a row-boat, when I caught a monster mangrove crab.

It was big, really big, and nearly as big as our boat.

It wouldn't let go of the bait so I dropped it in front of the old man.

The old man made one of the few mistakes of his life, when he lifted up his boot to kick the monster crab.

Quick as a flash, the crab shore off half his boot and his foot with it, as sure as an axeman's blow.

Blood gushed everywhere and my eldest brother, a fast thinker, grabbed hold of the crab, with the crab hanging on to my father's foot like grim death, and threw it into the middle of the creek.

We staunched the flow of blood and got ashore, where we lit a fire and cauterised his foot with a red-hot fishing knife, while me old man sucked on a bottle of Red Mill rum.

After that, his mates called him "blue-tongue", because he reminded them of a blue tongue lizard that had lost its tail.

Australians can be funny.

One night we got to the weekend shack and the door was wide open.

Sitting in the living room was the biggest spider you ever saw.

It took up the whole room, and it was a mottled black and white all over.

We chucked a big gill net over it and we heaved and dragged that spider out of the shack.

My eldest brother, Googie, was a bit slow in letting go and the spider grabbed him and dragged him halfway up the ridge.

We gave chase and managed to cut him loose, otherwise, that spider would have trussed him up like a fly and would have carted him back to the lost-world, somewhere back in the hills of the Hawkesbury ranges.

They grow pumpkins big down at Spencer.

One enterprising bloke used to hollow out these huge pumpkins, cut windows in them and sell them as week-enders.

Well, one day this bloke was working on a ginormous pumpkin which he had hollowed out and was putting on the finishing touches, when he dropped his axe inside.

He lowered himself down with the aid of a rope, then cursed, because he had forgot to bring a lamp with him.

He was about to climb back up, when he saw a light coming towards him.

It was an old bloke carrying a hurricane lamp.

The axeman said, "Good day mate, you wouldn't have seen an axe on your travels?"

No, mate, the old man said, "You wouldn't have seen a team of horses?"

Talking of pumpkins, one night we had a session with pumpkin wine, to which we invited our neighbour, Joe, from a nearby property.

How you make pumpkin wine, you get a good sized pumpkin, hollow it out.

Fill it with sugar and raisins, then leave it under the house for six months.

Well we had a good time with the pumpkin grog, spinning yams, singing songs and getting the cockatoo to join in.

He was perched in a big cage and he could swear like a bloody trooper.

Eventually we could all hardly stand, but our neighbour, Joe. Insisted on returning home to feed the cows, so we told him to take the hurricane lamp.

Imagine our surprise when we woke up in the morning to find the hurricane lamp still burning and our cockatoo missing.

Joe had taken the cockatoo in the cage instead of the lamp.

We could see our cocky as Joe bumped and stumbled through the bush.

The cocky was saying, "Watch out you silly basket, step over there, you'll have us all in the creek."

And so on.

Well, I'm getting a bit dry with all this talking, so next time I'll tell you all about the battle of Dunedoo Dugout and the time we crossed a Tasmanian Tiger with a Nanny goat.

Till then, here's luck.

Keith Whitfield, Woy Woy