Living in the bush

I came to live in this resort, exclusive and top notch,

The prices keep the riff-raff out, but left enough for scotch

Indulgences at dusk, and dawn, and other times each day;

You've no idea the trials I face, I don't think I can stay.

Those glossy brochures won my heart, the spa and lifts and trees,

And being this close to the coast, you always get a breeze,

But what those mongrels didn't show, and how was I to know?

The dreadful noise that spoils my sleep and steals my inner glow.

Now I'm a greenie through and through, I just love country life,

But birds that squawk at 5am, if I could get a knife,

I'd slit their throats and laugh with glee. And there's the frightful frogs,

Their croaking starts at my bedtime, and wakes up all the dogs.

But worse by far are blasted bats, they come here every year,

They screech all night, blood-curdling squeals, why must they visit here?

There's surely other trees around, out further in the scrub,

So I could get my beauty sleep, and they could get their grub.

Those screams I hear throughout the night, they say they're barking owls,

And roosters roam the golfing greens, I'll kill the flaming fowls.

My city friends just think it's fun, they don't have birds down there,

They see the bags beneath my eyes, but leave without a care.

I've left the worse til last of course, those animals with wings,

That drop those things upon my roof, what rage and fury brings

Me out of bed to yell and curse, I shake and shriek and spit,

It doesn't make them stop you know, just slows them down a bit.

My husband died three months ago, the stress too much to bear,

His liver riddled with disease, those whiskies, wear and tear,

So now I'm left without a car, the shops are far away,

And buses are a joke round here: I'm calling it a day.

Shirley Hotchkiss (c) 9/11/04